


Ohana Means Family

by theyalldeservedbetter



Series: Time changes everything and nothing [1]
Category: The 100
Genre: Alternative Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-12
Updated: 2016-05-12
Packaged: 2018-06-08 01:34:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6833434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theyalldeservedbetter/pseuds/theyalldeservedbetter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Raven had a moment of weakness and Octavia helped her through all of it.  They need to learn how to talk, though.</p><p>I really don't know how to summarize anything, so sorry about that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ohana Means Family

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time posting a story, so I apologize for any mistakes in the story or the writing. Also, if anyone notices my two references (hint: Edgar Allen Poe and Lilo & Stitch) definitely let me know!

                  The tension in their apartment was so thick that Lexa felt like she was swimming from one end to the next.  She was curious about whatever happened between her two best friends but, at the same time, she was terrified of asking.  Knowing Raven and Octavia, it was very likely something illegal, painful, or both.  It had already been two weeks of awkward silences, glances at each other that were quickly diverted when either one of them was caught, or complete and utter avoidance (they weren’t even subtle about it).  Lexa was starting to move past worried and was now getting annoyed. 

            She resolved to come up with a plan to get them to work out whatever happened.  Much to her dismay, neither Anya nor Indra had any idea what was going on between the two younger brunettes either.  She was on her own to either figure out what happened or to figure out how to fix it. 

            The Friday following her decision to intervene, Lexa finally managed to put her plan into action.  Fridays were their nights to hang out together, just the three of them, doing whatever the hell they wanted.  She told Octavia and Raven that she had something special planned for that evening and told them that they had no choice but to come.  They both agreed to stay out of the apartment late enough for Lexa to get her special night in order.  Octavia stayed at school and Raven stayed at the library.  Lexa hoped her plan worked because it would break her heart to see the two best friends fall apart more than they already had.

            Lexa knew the pain of losing a relationship for nothing.  She had spent the last two years avoiding thinking about her own history and everything that had gone wrong for her, electing instead to focus on two young brunettes who (quite literally) ran right into her life.  She had just gotten out of a four-year relationship when Octavia and Raven found her.  Clarke had left her because of insecurities, fear, and pain that all led to a feeling that resembled the tension in her apartment right now.  Octavia and Raven had helped her piece herself back together without even realizing it and she would do everything in her power to make sure that they didn’t make the same mistakes she had. 

            When everything for the night was set up and ready to go, she texted both Octavia and Raven and told them they were free to come home before climbing into her car and driving off to meet up with her sister.

            Raven walked through their apartment door already apprehensive of whatever Lexa may have had planned for them.  Expecting the green-eyed law intern to pop out at her from anywhere, she tentatively made her way into the apartment and set her bag down on the side.  Just as she was starting to think that Lexa might not be lurking behind every corner to scare the life out of her, the front door slammed open and Raven jumped in the air with a yelp.

            Octavia froze in the doorway, trying to process what she had just witnessed.  As soon as she processed it, she doubled over and laughed and laughed and laughed.  She laughed until she couldn’t breathe and she was red in the face with tears streaming down her face.  Standing back up again, sucking in gulps of air between remaining bouts of laughter, she saw the scowl on Raven’s face.  Knowing that it was meant to intimidate her just made her start laughing even harder. 

            Raven glared at the brunette standing in the doorway.  The last thing she had wanted that night was to embarrass herself in front of the younger girl, and yet that was the very first thing that happened when they were together.  Seeing her laugh harder and harder, the scowl fell off of Raven’s face and was replaced by a soft smile of her own.  When Octavia finally gathered herself (for the third time), Raven just quirked her eyebrow.

            “Done?”

            “We’ll see,” Octavia said with a cheeky grin.  “Man, I wish I could’ve gotten that recorded!”

            Raven rolled her eyes and pushed off from where she was leaning against the counter.  It was in that specific moment that she noticed the missing brunette.  Looking around, she realized there wasn’t a single indication that Lexa was even home.  She did see a paper on the counter, though, and made her way over.

            “ _Dear Octavia and Raven,_

_No I’m not actually writing you a letter.  I’m just letting you know that you’re both home alone tonight and that you’d better deal with whatever the hell is going on between the two of you.  I swear to God the tension in this apartment is going to drown me if you don’t do something about it.  I love you both, so don’t kill each other!”_

Raven looked up after reading the note out loud and her brown eyes met electric blue eyes in front of her.  Before a single word could be exchanged between the two of them Octavia surged forward and pushed her lips against Raven’s.

            Octavia’s hands framed the older brunette’s face, holding her in place, and she pushed her backwards so she was pressed against the counter.  The moan that left Raven’s mouth at the impact was enough to push Octavia to put more pressure.  They stayed that way for some time, hands grasping at each other, desperate to stay as close as possible and then get even closer.  Neither of them wanted to break away, but eventually oxygen was a necessity and Octavia pulled away.

            Their lips lingered against each other as they rested their foreheads together and gasped for air.  Raven reached forward and pecked the lips in front of her a few times, feeling her heart flutter and the little giggles that escaped the blue-eyed brunette.  She let her lips actually rest against hers after a while, leaning into her body as much as she could.  They went from fiery and passionate to chaste and calm within seconds and their hearts were beating wildly in their chests.

            Octavia moved her hand from around Raven’s waist and raised it to rest just above the older girl’s left breast, reveling in the feeling of her heart pumping so powerfully just underneath her palm.  Blue eyes raised to meet brown once again and they both jolted at the spark that flew between them when they finally made eye contact.  Raven let out a breathy chuckle and Octavia replied with one of her own. 

            Raven used her grip on Octavia’s hips to push the younger girl back slightly.  They exchanged sheepish smiles and stood there slightly awkwardly for a few moments.  The moment was broken when they were interrupted by Raven’s growling stomache.  They both started laughing at that and all of the tension seemed to roll right off of them.

            Raven made her way back into the kitchen while Octavia took their bags to their rooms.  The hungry brunette found a pot on the stove with a note telling them that Lexa had made them some of her special pasta, leaving an extra note to “get your heads out of your asses and eat it together”.

            Octavia walked out of the bedroom and found Raven already sitting in the living room with two plates of pasta.  As she went and sat down on the sofa, she saw that Raven had already put a movie in.  Watching as the opening of “Easy A” rolled on screen, she let out a soft laugh and leaned into cushions behind her.  They both settled down as they dug into the food, enjoying the lack of tension between them.

            They reverted back to their normal, teasing banter throughout the movie.  They called out all of the bullshit double standards set for guys and girls in relationships and laughed when the scene between Olive and Brandon at the party came up.  Both brunettes ended up laughing until their stomachs ached when they remembered doing similar things to make Bellamy uncomfortable while they all lived together.  They were always doing things to make the older man embarrassed and obnoxious sex noises coming from Octavia’s room was always sufficient in accomplishing that.

            As the movie ended and they settled further into the couch, Octavia decided to speak up.  She turned slightly so that her body was facing Raven’s and said, “Hey, Rae?”

            “Yea, babe?”

            The younger brunette’s breath caught at the pet name.  She hoped that maybe that meant things between her and Raven would be fine.  “Are we okay?”

            Raven hated the small voice that came out of her best friend.  The girl had always been a fiery, carefree spirit and Raven had never seen her look this small before.  She scooted over on the sofa so she could sit closer to Octavia and felt her heart clench inside her chest at the slight sheen of tears apparent in blue eyes.  Giving the girl a soft smile she said, “Of course we are, love.  I’ve told you, you won’t lose me no matter what.”

            Octavia gave the older brunette a watery smile as the tears finally started making their way down her cheeks.  Raven reached up and used her thumbs to brush them away as they fell and Octavia found herself leaning into the touch.  They sat like that for a while, just being close and comfortable, reveling in the fact that everything that had been simmering between them the last few weeks had finally seemed to move past them.  As Raven sat there and comforted her best friend, she found herself thinking back on what had happened two weeks ago.

* * *

 

_She had just been informed that her mother was in the hospital and wanted to see her.  Apparently, Lenore Reyes had been diagnosed with terminal cervical cancer and only had a little bit of time left to live.  Octavia had agreed to go to the hospital with her.  When they got there, though, Raven realized that “a little bit of time left” meant, at most, two days._

_Raven and Octavia spent the day with her dying mother – a woman Raven hadn’t seen in years; a woman who had stooped low enough to actually try and sell Raven for enough cash to afford her addiction; a woman who had let Raven walk away and never once tried to seek her out.  There were a lot of tears and quite a bit of yelling.  Raven had so many questions she wanted answers to and she couldn’t help but feel like they were pointless.  The answers that she got were nowhere near significant enough to fill the void her deadbeat mother had left in her heart._

_They left the hospital after an hour of tense silence at the end of the day.  Lexa was back at the apartment when they got home that night, ready with comfort foods and Raven’s favourite movie.  She and Octavia helped Raven start dealing with all of the pent up emotions running into her mother again brought up for her and the aeromechanical engineering student realized that she was actually grateful for where she ended up.  She had a magnificent family now – a real family – and she wouldn’t trade it for the world._

_Around 1:30 the next morning, in the middle of Pitch Perfect 2, Raven got a call from the hospital.  Her mother was dead._

_They spent the rest of the night awake, comforting Raven.  Both Lexa and Octavia had briefly flashed back to their own parents’ deaths and, despite how shitty Raven’s non-relationship was with her mother, they still felt terrible that she had to go through all of this._

_Lexa had an exam the next day and had to leave early to get there on time.  Raven kept apologizing all night long for keeping the law student up but she assured the younger brunette that it wasn’t a problem; she would do anything for both of the girls on the sofa with her.  That, of course, gave both Octavia and Raven more ammunition to keep calling her their Momma Bear._

_Octavia and Raven stayed up well past Lexa left.  They went from delirious jokes and hysterical laughter to charged silences and emotional disclosures for some time.  One particularly charged silence started their downward spiral._

_Both brunettes had been moving closer and closer to each other as time passed.  Early the next morning, not long after Lexa left for her class, the proximity became too much._

_Neither of them was too sure who made the first move.  One moment they were just sitting together on the couch and the next their lips were colliding, closing that last bit of distance between them.  Raven whimpered immediately, pushing forward a bit more, desperate for the younger girl’s taste.  Her hands reached up to tangle themselves in raven locks, pressing herself completely flush against her best friend.  Before she knew what was happening, Octavia had wrapped her arms around Raven’s waist and pulled the older brunette onto her lap._

_Raven sat there, straddling Octavia and kissing her with a frenzy she had never experienced.  She pushed the younger brunette so she was leaning against the back of the sofa ad was able to apply more pressure.  They battled for dominance of the kiss, neither one of them surrendering.  Octavia’s tongue made its way into Raven’s mouth eventually, and both girls moaned at the taste that exploded between them._

_Raven knew exactly what had prompted this between the two of them and the buildup of emotions over the last many hours finally broke free.  A tear made its way down her cheek, quickly followed by others, but she refused to break her connection with the younger brunette’s mouth._

_Octavia, sensing everything going through Raven’s head, broke her lips away from the girl in her lap and ignored the whimpers of protest.  Those whimpers were quickly replaced by moans once again as she trailed her lips along Raven’s jaw, making her way to the older girl’s ear.  Once there, she nibbled lightly on her lobe and grinned at the broken groan that reverberated through the throat beneath her lips.  She made her way back down Raven’s jaw and down her throat._

_Octavia was placing breathy, open-mouth kisses along her jaw and down the column of her throat and Raven was finding it difficult to breathe.  If it weren’t for the moans making their way out of her own mouth she would have guessed that she wasn’t breathing at all._

_Her attention was brought back to her best friend when she felt the girl start to suck and nibble at her pulse point.  The sensation sent tingles through her whole body and she immediately pulled Octavia back up so their lips met once again.  Raven immediately took charge of the kiss and reveled in the moan that made its way out of the younger brunette’s lips.  She pushed her own tongue past Octavia’s lips and weaved her fingers back through the girl’s hair.  Reveling in the taste that burst in her mouth, Raven savored here there for a minute before pulling away once again._

_She pulled Octavia up so that they were standing almost flush against one another.  Octavia leaned down to press her lips back against the shorter brunette’s lips in a deep kiss.  Breaking the kiss again, Raven pulled Octavia towards her bedroom.  Once they were both inside, Octavia shut the door behind her just as the mechanics student was pushing her towards the bed.  She walked backwards until her knees hit the bed and she landed on her back.  Raven followed the younger brunette down, holding herself up with her hands on either side of Octavia’s head, their faces level and close enough to see every swirl of colour in each other’s eyes._

_Octavia looked up into Raven’s eyes and couldn’t stop the whimper that made its way out of her throat.  They stayed like that for a minute, just looking into each other’s eyes and seeing everything they wanted to say expressed there.  Blue and brown eyes remained locked, speaking volumes that the girls couldn’t express out loud._

_Raven felt the emotions start to overwhelm her once again, thinking of everything this could mean.  She knew that the girl currently underneath her was well on her way to falling in love with Lincoln and that this, whatever it was between them, wouldn’t be a permanent thing.  She knew that Octavia was purely here for her, for Raven, helping her deal with everything that had happened the last few days.  Raven and Octavia loved each other and they were willing to do absolutely everything they could to help the other.  She couldn’t help the guilt that started to swell within her when she realized that they were technically making Octavia a cheater._

_Needing to not think about anything, Raven leaned down slowly, once again pressing her lips against the swollen lips beneath her.  This kiss didn’t hold the same fervor as the last few kisses had, but it had no less intensity.  If anything, this kiss was even more intense.  Raven poured all of her emotions into this kiss, trying to convey her every thought to the younger brunette.  Their lips moved in tandem for some time, just feeling and tasting each other, feeling all of the emotions bubbling between them and building until their kiss started to move frantically against each other again._

_She took her time exploring Octavia this time.  When the younger brunette’s hands started wandering, Raven laced their fingers together before raising her hands above her head.  She raised herself up slightly, pulling her lips away from Octavia’s and smiling at the whimpers that left her mouth.  She looked down, taking the sight in once again.  Octavia lay on the bed with her raven hair spread out like a crown around her head.  Her pupils were blown, but the blue hues weren’t diminished in the slightest – no, it seemed as though her eyes were even more vibrant than usual.  There was a light smirk beginning to make itself noticeable along her lips and Raven was determined to wipe it off._

_Her head shot back down but, instead of meeting the younger brunette’s lips, Raven started placing kisses along Octavia’s jawline.  She followed the chiseled jaw and made her way to the younger girl’s ear.  Remembering her move from earlier, Raven decided to mimic her and pulled her earlobe into her mouth.  She tugged on it lightly with her teeth before letting go and smirking at the moan she heard from the girl beneath her.  The older brunette placed her lips behind Octavia’s ear, reveling in the gasp that left her mouth, and made her was back down to the column of her throat._

_Octavia felt herself start to lose any capability of thinking when her best friend started nibbling at her pulse point.  There would most definitely be marks after they were done, but she knew that neither of them really cared about it.  Her mind briefly flashed to Lincoln and what he would think about this, but her attention was brought back to the girl currently grinding on top of her when she felt teeth nip at her collar bone._

_Raven smirked against the fair skin of Octavia’s clavicle, knowing the yelp that left her mouth meant she was really having an effect on the younger brunette.  She kissed along the top of her shirt, going so far as to nuzzle into her cleavage a little, and let her hands wander down the athletic girl’s sides.  Her fingers make their way under the girl’s t-shirt and she could feel the resulting moan reverberate under her fingertips and through the throat under her lips.  Octavia’s toned abs rippled under her hands and Raven brought her mouth crashing back to Octavia’s hungrily._

_They stayed that way for some time, Octavia keeping her hands above her head and Raven allowing her own to travel along the landscape of Octavia’s body.  As much as the younger brunette wanted to touch and feel and savour the brunette above her, she knew that Raven needed this.  Her mechanic was the kind of person that needed to make other people feel things to feel better herself.  Allowing her to do what she wanted with Octavia’s body would be all the therapy she needed to deal with her mom._

_Raven was aware of all of this.  She knew that, even if they went all the way right now, nothing could ever go further between the two of them.  They were just friends, best friends, and this would be a one-time thing to help them both.  Octavia was in the process of possibly getting together with Lincoln and Raven wasn’t in a place to be wanting or needing a relationship.  Neither of them would expect anything further from this and they were both okay with that._

_Her attention was brought back to the girl underneath her when she felt hands raking their way down her back.  Raven moaned into plump lips under her own and arched her back so that their fronts were against each other.  Octavia had moved her hands and, while Raven was tempted to move them back above her head, the feeling of those blunt nails digging into her back and leaving marks on her skin was too much for her to give up._

_They stayed like that for some time, allowing their hands to roam across each other’s skin, exploring their bodies in ways they hadn’t before.  Three years of living together and they had never gotten this close.  They cuddled and slept together and so many other things, but they never took their clothes off that close together._

_Raven slowly pulled herself away from Octavia’s lips and leaned back.  She looked into blue eyes staring back at her with so much swirling in their depths and felt the effect that gaze had throughout her whole body.  She reached her hands further underneath Octavia’s shirt and asked her the silent question.  Octavia moaned out a very drawled out yes and Raven smirked cockily.  She slowly moved her hands further up her best friend’s body, pushing her shirt higher and higher.  Eventually Raven pulled it all the way off and her breath hitched in her throat._

_Raven was gorgeous.  Octavia looked up at the brunette, seeing everything in her eyes.  She watched as her best friend just stared down at her.  If anyone else had been scrutinizing her as Raven currently was, Octavia would have felt beyond uncomfortable.  However, the fact that it was Raven currently looking at her with such unabashed adoration made her feel like Raven was actually admiring her and that look in brown eyes was one of the most beautiful things Octavia had ever seen._

_Raven couldn’t help it.  She froze.  When Octavia’s shirt finally made it over her head and was thrown somewhere else in the room, all sentient thought flew out of her mind.  Octavia’s skin was milky white and so supple, Raven couldn’t help but trail her hands along her torso.  Her fingers made their way up and down, barely grazing skin, feeling every quiver and tremble that ran through Octavia.  She couldn’t possibly keep the awe off her face and she decided to just go all out and ogle.  But how could she not, really?  Octavia was the personified form of perfection in that moment and she couldn’t hold anything back._

_Octavia sat up slightly so that her torso was once again flush against Raven’s.  Pushing their lips back together, she started fumbling with the older girl’s shirt.  They pulled apart just long enough for Octavia to frantically pull it off and immediately come back together again.  They both released embarrassingly breathy moans when their skin finally made contact.  The intensity of their kiss increased tenfold from there._

_The day continued in such a manner and, eventually, Octavia found herself laying back on the bed again, recovering from their last few hours of intimacy.  Raven slowly crawled her way back up Octavia’s body from where she was placing soothing kisses on the inside of her thighs along the younger brunette’s hips.  She slowly rested her head on Octavia’s left breast, listening intently as the pounding heartbeat under her ear gradually slowed down.  She smiled into the skin as she pressed light kisses wherever her lips would reach.  As Octavia got her bearings back she lifted her arms to wrap around Raven’s body to snuggle them closer together.  They would lay there, as close as physically possible, for as long as they could._

_Octavia was running her hand lazily along Raven’s back, just reveling in the feel of the two of them being this close, when she felt something wet on her chest.  She looked down slightly to see tears making their way down the older brunette’s cheeks and landing on her breast, being cooled by shaky breaths coming out of Raven’s mouth._

_“Oh, baby, it’s okay.  Everything’s going to be okay, I promise.”_

_Raven couldn’t hold back the sob that forced its way through her teeth at that.  She knew Octavia shouldn’t be promising her something like that, but damn if it didn’t feel good to hear it.  She tried to snuggle herself further into the body under her, suddenly feeling exposed._

_Octavia seemed to sense what was going on in her head so she gently pulled herself out of Raven’s grip, leaning down to kiss her gently, holding back the moan threatening to break through her mouth at tasting herself on her best friend’s lips, and ensure that she would be back shortly.  She pulled her own pajamas on and grabbed another pair for Raven.  She made her way back to the bed and slowly moved Raven so the brunette was sitting up.  She pulled the sweats up her legs, placing gentle kisses on the olive skin at her hip, and allowed the engineer to pull the shirt over her own head.  She raised herself up slightly to press her lips back against Raven’s and felt her heart throb at the whimper that left those tear-stained lips._

_Raven allowed herself to be guided back onto the bed, resting her body along Octavia’s.  She nestled her head in the space between the younger brunette’s chin and shoulder, pressing herself as close as she could.  Octavia placed random kisses along the crown of her head and her forehead and Raven finally allowed herself to break down._

_Everything from the past two days had built up and was pouring out of her now.  It wasn’t that she was going to particularly miss her mother, or that they had such a great relationship that this was going to have such a big impact on her life.  Raven had been more than okay with completely cutting ties with her mother when she left.  The woman barely even deserved the title of mother.  She couldn’t help but wish that they might have been able to fix things eventually, though.  Raven would never admit it, but, somewhere in the back of her mind, she had held out hope that her mother would eventually seek her out and try to reconcile things.  She had hoped that the woman who gave birth to her and proceeded to prove to her just how useless and worthless she was would come back and tell her how much she had messed up.  She wanted to hear her mom tell her that she loved her at least once.  As much as she wanted to deny it, having this be the last time she ever interacted with her mother was hurting._

_Octavia felt every tear that fell out of her best friend’s eyes as a stab in her heart.  She knew more than others how the other girl felt about her relationship (or lack thereof) with her mother and she could only imagine how her mind was processing this.  Everything about this situation was horrible and shitty and she wished she could help Raven through all of this._

_They fell asleep like that eventually.  It had been a long couple of days and they had stayed up all night.  As they were falling asleep, a small smile made its way across both of their faces as they remembered why they were so tired.  With one last kiss between the two of them, Raven laid her head back on Octavia’s chest and allowed herself to drift off._

* * *

 

Raven was pulled out of her memories by Octavia’s hand running circles on her hip again. By the intense darkness outside, she could tell that she had been stuck in her thoughts for a long time.  Octavia was snuggled into her side, still, and lazily tracing patterns on the skin just under her shirt.  Her head was tucked under her chin, resting against her chest, and Raven knew that the younger brunette was deriving comfort from hearing her heartbeat.  That was the one thing that always comforted Octavia when she was thinking too much into things.  Lexa had been the first one to figure it out, and it had become their go-to method of helping each other out. 

Raven ran her hand up and down Octavia’s arm and leaned forward to press a light kiss against her hair.  The younger brunette sighed deeply and snuggled deeper into Raven’s arms slightly, squeezing her body tighter before pulling herself out of the older girl’s hold.  She sat back up on the sofa, facing the aeromechanical engineering student, but kept her head down and watched her hands as they fumbled with each other.  Octavia’s attention was brought back to the girl in front of her when she heard a whisper. 

“I’m sorry, O.  I’m so sorry.”

Octavia’s head shot up and she felt her heart clench at seeing the tears steadily making their way down Raven’s face.  She immediately scooted forward and raised her hands, caressing both sides of the older brunette’s face.  She gently brushed the tears away as each new one made an appearance and she wanted nothing more than to be able to replace them with a million smiles.  Not knowing what else to do, she leaned forward and gently pressed her lips against the crying girl’s, hoping to convey all of the love she held in her heart.

The whimper that left the mouth under hers almost caused Octavia to pull back and away, but Raven’s arms were gripping her t-shirt with a desperation that Octavia couldn’t ignore.  She felt the older girl push into her more, trying to get as close as possible, and she could taste the tears as they tried to force their way between their lips. 

Before Octavia knew what was happening, Raven pulled away from her lips and pushed her head into the psychology major’s chest, not letting go of the vice-like grip she had on her shirt.  Octavia felt tears fill her own eyes at the heart-wrenching sobs that broke through Raven’s lips.  Octavia wrapped her arms back around Raven’s body and pulled her tighter against herself. 

Raven hated that she was doing this again.  She hated crying and she hated using Octavia like this but she couldn’t help it.  She had been feeling so guilty for everything that had happened between them the last few weeks and the way Octavia was treating her now just broke down all of her resolve.  While Raven was busy beating herself up mentally, berating and hating herself for taking advantage of her best friend, Octavia was just trying to take care of her.  Octavia still loved her and she didn’t seem to think Raven was a monster. 

It took some time for Raven to get herself back under control.  So many different emotions had come pouring out of her, and now that she had Octavia back she couldn’t stop it.  The guilt came back to her as she gathered her bearing once again and she started apologizing once more. 

Octavia was so beyond confused.  Raven had done nothing wrong and had absolutely nothing to apologize for.  She wanted to question the older girl as to why she was apologizing, but she couldn’t bring herself to pull the brunette out of her arms.  She opted to, instead, press a light kiss to the head tucked under her chin.

She spoke softly, “What’s going on, Spacey?”

A chuckle tore out of her chest before Raven could stop it.  She hadn’t heard that nickname in a long time.  When she had first moved in with Octavia and Bellamy three years ago and told them about her dreams of going into space, they decided to start calling her “Spacey”, and it had stuck.  Remembering how things used to be between them and how she had messed so many things up recently, the smile quickly fell off of her face and she sighed, snuggling deeper into Octavia’s arms. 

“I’m sorry, O.  I’m so sorry.”

“Babe, what happened?  Why are you sorry?”

There was a beat of silence and Octavia could feel the shaky breaths that Raven was releasing into her chest.  She barely heard the next words that came out of her best friend’s mouth: “I fucked up.”

            “Raven you’re going to have to give me more than that.  What did you fuck up?  What happened?”  Octavia absolutely was not expecting the resulting explosion.

            “EVERYTHING!”  Raven shot up from the couch, chest heaving with her panting breaths and hands running through her hair.  “Octavia, I fucked everything up!  I slept with my _best friend_ because I felt bad.  My best friend who is in love with someone else and I - holy shit, I slept with her.  I slept with Octavia.  Oh god.”

            Octavia was getting more and more concerned as Raven started muttering to herself and pacing around the living room.  The aeromechanical engineering student was pulling at her hair and looking off into space with wide eyes, mumbling to herself how she had ruined everything with Octavia.  As Raven mumbled to herself, Octavia felt her eyes widen in grief.  Apparently the older brunette felt as though she had taken advantage of Octavia in the same way Lenore Reyes’s “boyfriends” had tried to take advantage of Raven. 

The younger brunette was so confused.  She had had no idea that Raven was feeling so guilty about everything that had happened between them, or why she would feel that way.  It wasn’t like Octavia had been forced or coerced into it – no, in fact, she had wanted it as much as Raven did. 

She couldn’t stand to see the older girl tear into herself over it anymore so she stood up and made her way to stop her pacing.  Octavia grabbed Raven at the biceps, stopping her and forcing her to look at her.  Brown eyes finally met her own and her worry only grew at the empty and spaced out look in them.  Raven wasn’t focusing on her, but Octavia needed her attention for what she was about to say.

Not knowing what else would bring the older girl out of this trance, she decided to take a risk.  She leaned in once again and barely placed her own lips over the frozen girl.  She could feel Raven release a shaky breath against her lips and pulled her head back.  Their eyes met again and brown eyes were finally focused on her face. 

Raven jerked when she felt lips touch hers again.  The breath that had been caught in her throat when Octavia stopped her fell out of her mouth and her eyes finally focused on the face right in front of her.  When Octavia pulled her face back and opened her eyes, Raven could see the fear swirling in blue depths.  The connection between the two of them finally made Raven realize that she had completely trailed off from her explanation and must have frightened the younger brunette.

Octavia spoke up first, “Raven, I need you to listen to what I am about to say.  I need you to hear it loud and clear.”  Seeing Raven’s nod, she continued, “You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about.  You didn’t fuck anything up and you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“But – But –”

“No.  No ‘but’s.  None of what happened was wrong or messed up.  You didn’t take advantage of me.  I wanted it just as much as you did, trust me.”

“What about Lincoln?”

Octavia sighed, “I won’t lie; Lincoln wasn’t happy.”  Seeing that Raven was about to start freaking out again, she spoke quickly, “But he understood!  Babe, trust me.  What happened wasn’t a problem at all and I absolutely do not regret it.  Was it confusing for Lincoln to understand? Yea, but that’s just because my relationship with him is so new.  He knows how important you are to me, though, and he knows that I would do absolutely anything for you.  He understands that what happened wasn’t necessarily because I’m in love with you in the same way that I’m in love with him, but it has everything to do with the fact that I love you as much as I love him.”

Raven felt her resolve start to break again, and she completely broke with the next thing Octavia said: “You’ll always be my number one, Rae.”

Raven pulled Octavia into her body, burying her head into the younger girl’s neck and bringing their bodies flush against one another.  They stayed like that for a few minutes, reveling in how close they were to one another.  Raven didn’t like to think about her life from before she met the Blakes too often but when she did, it always caused a storm to rise up in her head.  All of the emotions that she had learned before she was a teenager, knowing that her mother had thought she was worthless enough to sell for a fix of whatever drugs, considering herself to be disposable and insignificant, it all came rushing back.  Octavia and her brother had been the first ones to actually make her feel like they cared about her.  And here Octavia was, willing to do absolutely anything for her.  Even three years later, she wasn’t used to being worth anything to anyone. 

Octavia held Raven tightly to herself, knowing how much Raven needed this kind of contact after anything emotional.  She slowly pulled away when she felt Raven’s grip slacken around her waist and leaned back to meet her eyes.  Brown eyes were looking at her with tears in swirling just below the surface once again, but there was something more there.  She had the same kind of pain and reverence in her eyes as she had had when they first met. 

The first time Octavia had ever met Raven was not a happy occurrence.  The older brunette had been sitting against a tree in her favourite park when Octavia came running by.  Both of them had headphones in and neither of them were paying much attention to their surroundings and therefore did not move.  Octavia ended up tripping over Raven’s outstretched legs, face-planting into the grass, and the two had been inseparable since then. 

She walked to the sofa, knowing Raven would follow her there eventually.  As soon as she sat down, Octavia saw the older brunette curl up next to her, bringing herself into a ball and resting her chin on her knees.  Octavia just watched her, knowing there were so many different things going through her head. 

Raven didn’t know what else to do, so she just started talking.  “I wanted to do it.  I love you, Octavia, you know that, and I really wanted to do it.  I didn’t want it to happen like that, though.  You love Lincoln, we both know that, and you love him in a completely different way than we love each other.  I didn’t want it to happen just because I felt like shit.  I didn’t want you to have to do that because I needed it.  I’m so sorry, Octavia, and I just wish I could fix it.”

Octavia wished she could bring Raven back into her arms, but she knew that the older girl liked her space to think things through.  The only thing she could do was try and talk through her walls.  “I didn’t _have_ to do anything, babe.  You didn’t make me do anything I didn’t want to and it wasn’t anything that I regretted doing afterwards.  The only thing that hurt me about what happened was the way you shut me out afterwards.”

Raven looked like she was about to start apologizing again, so Octavia cut her off, “You don’t need to apologize for that either.  I understand how you felt about it now, and I know why you reacted the way you did.  I don’t have a single problem with what happened and I don’t want you to beat yourself up about it.”  At that point she reached over and placed her hand under Raven’s chin, lifting her head so that she could look into her eyes once more.  “And, Raven, this isn’t going to break us.  I refuse to let you lose me over this.  You’re not going anywhere, and neither am I.  I know what thinking about your mom does to you and you needed something then.  Needing me isn’t something that I’ll ever fault you for, and I would never want to even think about not having you in my life anymore.”

Raven watched blue eyes as they filled with tears and she finally felt something settle in her mind.  She was Octavia’s best friend and Octavia was hers.  They both had Lexa, of course, and now Lincoln, Indra, and Anya, but they had each other first.  No matter what happened anywhere else, they would always have each other.  She wasn’t going to lose this part of her family.

One thing that Octavia said popped back into her head.  She uncurled herself a little bit and threw a smug look at the younger girl.  “So, you wanted to do it too?”

“Oh, shut up, Reyes!” 

Both girls erupted into laughter as the air between them finally cleared up.  Raven went back to being her own cocky self and Octavia found herself dodging the older brunette. 

As Raven and Octavia were joking around, another thing came back to Raven.  She stopped tickling the girl for a second and just looked at her.  Octavia saw the look Raven was giving her and cocked her head, raising an eyebrow.  Raven knew that look and sighed, knowing she would have to tell the psychology student what she was thinking. 

“You told Lincoln about what happened?”

Octavia sat back up, looking at the girl in front of her.  She knew that Raven wasn’t used to having a family, and definitely not having so many people caring about her.  When they met Lexa, their family expanded from just the two of them and Bellamy to Lexa, Indra, Anya, and Lincoln.  Octavia and Lincoln hit it off in a way different than everyone else had connected, and everyone could see that the two of them had something special. 

That was the biggest part feeding Raven’s guilt.  She knew that nothing else should ever even try to come between what Octavia and Lincoln had, but she almost had.  She was almost nervous to hear what Octavia had to say about Lincoln’s reaction.  Raven had just been confident that she was finally going to be able to keep her family, but she was now afraid.  She was so used to being left behind and forgotten, she didn’t know what family was like.  She didn’t know if this was something everyone else could forgive as Octavia had. 

Octavia waited until Raven looked at her again. She waited quite a few minutes until brown eyes looked up and met her own, allowing the tension and awkwardness to fill the room.  When Raven finally looked up at her, after looking at every single other thing in the room, Octavia gave her a small smile.  She took the mechanic’s hands between her own and made sure she was absolutely comfortable and listening to every word before she started speaking.

“Yes, Raven, I told Lincoln.  This isn’t exactly something I could keep from him.  But I can assure you, he absolutely, 100% does not have a problem with anything at all.  He understands what happened and he knows how special you are to me.  He knows that, no matter what, you will always be my number one person.  I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you, and I would do absolutely anything for you.”  Seeing the guilt start creeping back into brown eyes before her, she continued, “It took him a moment to think through it, but he doesn’t mind, babe.  He explained to me a little bit about his past that I want to share with you.

“He told me about his and Indra’s mother.  She did something similar in the military.  The things that she saw and experienced while she was there were so overwhelming that she ended up seeking comfort in somebody else’s bed because they could understand, they had been through the same things she had.  Lincoln’s father couldn’t understand that and he left them.  He’s not necessarily saying that you’ve been through a war, but you’ve had your own battles to fight and he knows that you’re going to need help dealing with the memories sometimes.  Lincoln understands what happened between us and he doesn’t want to be like his father.”  Looking intently into Raven’s swirling eyes, she knew she had to tread carefully with the next part.  “Lincoln actually said that, if the need ever arises, he would understand if it had to happen again.”

Seeing Raven start to react she interjected quickly, “Don’t freak out!  He’s not saying that he’s okay with an open relationship or that he wants me to sleep with you.  All he said is that he understands that you and I have a history that he can’t understand because he didn’t live it.  Lincoln had someone when he was younger, though, and she was like a sister to him.  She went through things that he couldn’t possibly begin to describe, and it must have been pretty bad because he was almost crying while he told me about her.  She had been through all kinds of shit and she didn’t have anyone to help her out like that for a while.  She did find someone eventually, but when she lost them she disappeared.  He hasn’t seen or heard from her for almost three years except for texts or phone calls on birthdays and anniversaries.”  Octavia leaned forward and reached her hand out to caress Raven’s face and give her the physical comfort she denied she loved.  “Babe, Lincoln doesn’t want something like that to happen to us.” 

Raven couldn’t keep the tears at bay anymore.  She fell forward with her head landing in Octavia’s lap as the younger brunette started running her fingers through her hair.  Octavia adjusted the mechanic in her lap so that the older girl was snuggled into her, her face pressing into Octavia’s toned stomach.  They stayed like that for some time, reflecting on everything that had happened to bring them to this point. 

Octavia and Raven had both been so lost when they met each other, haunted by what life had put them through and terrified to see what would come.  They had grounded each other and helped one another deal with the nightmares and insecurities and doubts that popped into their heads.  For the longest time, Octavia and her brother Bellamy were all the family Raven had.  When they ran into Lexa, that family expanded.  Nothing would change the bond between these two brunettes, though.  What they had was undoubtedly special, and they knew at this point that there was nothing for them to do but stick together.     


 

 

 

 

           

 

 

           

           

           

**Author's Note:**

> This is more of a test post than anything. I have a longer (like 79,000 words and counting) Clarke/Lexa story that takes place a few years after this. Raven and Octavia's stories are explained a lot more (they are not an item, though; Octavia and Lincoln are 100% together), as well as everyone else's stories. I don't know if that's worth posting so we'll see how this one goes and then decide from there. Also, if anything here was weird or inaccurate, please excuse me. I've never actually kissed anyone before so I have no idea how it works. tumblr: @theysaythejobisjinxed


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